Web of Grace
“Jesus wept”…..the shortest and easiest to memorize verse in the Bible. This verse was brought to my heart courtesy of my 21 year old son who preached his first sermon this past Sunday. Jesus wept; this verse touched my heart to is very depths, a poignant reminder that not only is He a sovereign and omnipotent God, He is also a God of compassion, love, mercy and grace who does not sit idly by and watch our sufferings but indeed feels our pain as He guides us through our sometimes messy lives.
Messy, tangled, tousled, and yet beautiful; I believe this is an apt description of my life thus far. This morning God placed a visual in my mind of a spider web, an intricate weaving put in place by the workings of a sovereign creator. Oh but sometimes that web is so intricately weaved together that when an unsuspecting prey finds itself trapped it is nearly impossible to escape. Lately I have been exploring with God the intricate weavings of my own life, looking back at childhood, adolescence and early adulthood. Sometimes I wonder why? Why am I looking back now? I am staring at the half century mark in just a couple of years so why bother looking back? Why, because it is what my God is calling me to do. Why? Because there is this undeniable tug on my heart from a God that loves me so much He wants more for me than to be trapped forever in this intricate web. Why? Because God has been laying on my heart for over two years now that sharing my story will somehow touch another life, somehow bring hope where little had existed, somehow touch a life and turn that life toward His everlasting grace. What a frightening prospect this is; exploring my own tangled web is one thing, that is private and stays between God, I and a close friend. However, opening my own web for others to see, to know of, exposing it to more than my inner circle….now that my friends is downright petrifying!
I have in past posts revealed tiny pieces of this tangled web and I know the time will come when God will place in my heart to share even more. But right now is a time of untangling and finding a way out for me. Over the past few years I have come to understand that in order for God to use me the way He desires I must submit to His will. Submitting to His will has not been easy, it has meant beginning to untangle and find a way out of a web that was spun in some of the darkest times of my life. A web weaved with dark words such as sexual abuse, divorce, death, depression, bullying, heartache, and at the center of it an overwhelming fear. It has meant admitting that what appears on the outside; a confident mother, wife and career woman is in truth a scared little girl still hurting from a web spun from darkness. Where I wonder has the courage to face this web come from? Yes, my courage comes from God, but my courage also comes from another daughter of God, one who has bravely shared her own story of healing, faith and courage from a past web weaved eerily similar to mine. God arranged for our paths to intersect for many, many reasons; but one of them was to show me the light and the hope of Christ in a way only a fellow traveler could reveal. This fellow traveler has not only shown me the light of Christ but has also been a beacon of enlightenment to what God can do with these tangled webs when we submit to His will for us.
It is not yet time for me to reveal more of my own web; God still has a lot of untangling to perform. However, my friends I tell you this. My web no longer lives in the darkness. The morning has broken and I can now see beyond my web. I see the dew as it clings to the web in droplets reminiscent of this one small verse “Jesus wept”. I see fellow travelers all around me. Some, like my friend who have been set free; they sit on the branches, fly around me, encouraging and reminding me that complete freedom is just another turn or two away. Others, oh so many others remain trapped in their own webs, some deep in the forest where the sun has not yet penetrated, others of them beginning to see the light shine in their web as well. Father, it is these travelers that inspire me to break through my own web, the travelers who are still trapped. I long for the freedom of my bird like friends that I may become an encourager and cheerleader for those who remain trapped. I long to carry Your light in a way that it may shine brightly, as a beacon of hope for freedom to others. Father, just as You prepared a way for me, just as You intersected my life with one of your freed daughters, let me, as my web untangles and opens up to become a daughter, free of darkness and shining Your light to others.
Blessings to you this day my friends; blessings of peace and grace. Blessings that remind you of Christ who not only walks with us, but weeps with us. Blessings of a beacon of light, shining brightly to illuminate a path only He has orchestrated. Amen